


There's Never Enough Time

by shittymuse



Series: Whenever There's Time [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, Manga Spoilers, Physical Trauma, emotional coping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-14
Updated: 2014-11-14
Packaged: 2018-02-25 09:20:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2616572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shittymuse/pseuds/shittymuse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>On any other occasion, Levi might have admired the nurse’s spirit for trying to keep him from the room, but with circumstances what they were, he thought the man ought to count himself lucky he did not earn three hundred pages of history shoved up his ass for the attempt. </i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	There's Never Enough Time

**Author's Note:**

> I have chosen to post the two parts of this work in a series rather than as chapters, as the parts contain a significant time gap, have different tones, and are perfectly capable of standing on their own. The first part is still recommended reading, however; the theme of reading aloud makes more sense that way.

“ … the forms which posses in some considerable degree the character of species, but which are so closely similar to other forms or are so closely linked to them by intermediate graduations, that naturalists do not like to rank them as distinct species, are in several respects the most important for us. We have every reason to believe that many of these doubtful and closely allied forms have permanently retained their characters for a long time; for as long, as far as we know, as have good and true species.”

Levi curled the page around a finger, and toyed with the edge rather than turning it to the next. He ran a thumb back and forth down the side of the book, eyes flicking up to check on Erwin for the hundredth time. Still asleep.

The nurse had tried to stop him at the door, saying Erwin had spent the better part of the night in and out of consciousness, and to let him sleep, regardless of how much “the rest of the suicidal maniacs needed their equally suicidal commander”. Levi had pushed past the man without a word, ignoring the look of disapproval the nurse had aimed at the back of his head as he stepped inside and set up a chair beside the bed anyway. On any other occasion, Levi might have admired the nurse’s spirit for trying to keep him from the room, but with circumstances what they were, he thought the man ought to count himself lucky he did not earn three hundred pages of history shoved up his ass for the attempt.

Levi folded the book over a finger and stretched his leg out as best he could in the chair, resenting the need. It had been his first injury while in 3DMG, and he finally understood why the gear was regarded as dangerous. It was designed to amplify every movement, so much so that it exacerbated even the wrong ones. What would have been a sprained ankle in any other situation had turned out to be a twisted knee and pulled tendons, along with a probable fracture in the ankle, or so the doctor said. The damn thing was so bruised and swollen, it was difficult to tell. And it was nothing compared to what was in the bed beside him.

He sighed, stretching his foot back and forth, mouth tight as he felt the sting from each pull of the muscles. The pain was something else to focus on, at least. He had never felt as powerless as he had the night before, watching the Scouts roll into the base and seeing the empty gap at the front of the line where Erwin was supposed to be. Hange had found him quickly and told him the news, though he had not heard much of it after the word  _alive_.

Levi glanced at Erwin again, before tucking his leg back beneath the chair and opening the book once more. The nurse had been right about one thing. The rest of the suicidal maniacs did need him. Levi had spent the night beside Hange, giving orders he had no right to be giving and doing his best to pretend he had any idea what the fuck he was doing. They had been completely out of their depth, trying to appease the MP for their lost soldiers, and holding the Garrison at arms length from the destroyed village in the middle of Wall Rose. Not to mention keeping the kid hidden and as far away from both of them as possible.

Levi cleared his throat and slowly started to read aloud again. Hange had dismissed him sometime around dawn, ordering him to get some sleep and pretending she had not known he was going to make a beeline for the sick bay instead. He had taken a short detour to Erwin’s rooms on the way to grab the book. He had guessed, correctly it seemed, that there was some peace to be found in the old familiar ritual, even if his voice had never been the one reading aloud before. Each word was still laborious to him; though he could read well enough now, it was never going to be a task he could manage quickly. It was difficult and embarrassing, but it was far easier than looking at Erwin and wondering if things would have been different if he had been there.

Spending time in the sick bay was nothing new; he and Erwin had spent their fair share of time in and out of them over the years. But, this time was different. There were no new scars to study under fingertips in the middle of the night, lips pressed tightly together as they stubbornly refused to speak the words the new wounds always brought to mind. That this would not and could not last forever; that in their line of work, endings were inevitable, for one or both.

Levi faltered on the next line, the words of the text feeling as heavy on his tongue as the ones on his mind. His chest felt tight, as if there was a vise wrapped around him, pressing all the air from his lungs. No, he was used to seeing new scars. But this … he had no idea how to handle this. He looked up and stared at the place where Erwin’s arm used to be. People did not survive Titans. You came back whole, or you did not come back at all. He should not have been surprised that Erwin had been the one to manage it, but the knowledge did not make it any less painful.

How foolish they had been, never speaking of it. They had carried on like children, clapping their hands over the ears, shutting their eyes tight and running from the truths they were too scared to face. They never imagined the talking might have helped. It might have made it easier, this sitting and wondering and feeling like the greatest piece of shit humanity had ever seen for worrying about himself in the midst of everything. Anything had to be easier than the thought that if this was what it felt like when it had been  _maybe, but not quite_ , how was he ever going to survive the day it was truly loss?  

Levi grit his teeth, grumbling frustration from his throat, and turned back to the page.

“ … some few naturalists maintain that animals never present varieties; but then these same naturalists rank the slightest difference as of specific value; and when the same identical form is met with in two distant countries, or in two geological formations, they believe that two distinct species are hidden under the same dress. The term ‘species’ thus comes to be a mere useless abstraction, implying and assuming a separate act of creation. It is certain that many forms, considered by highly-competent judges to be varieties, resemble species so completely in character, that they have thus been ranked by other highly-competent judges. But to discuss whether they ought to be called species or varieties, before any definition of these terms has been generally accepted, is vainly to beat the air.”

Levi paused, turning the next page.

“Don’t stop on my account,” Erwin said, his voice soft. Levi looked up, feeling the vise around his chest finally start to loosen as he absorbed the look of Erwin watching him from the pillow with those beautiful icy blues, half lidded from sleep or fever, it hardly mattered which anymore. 

“How long have you been awake?” Levi asked, closing the book slowly and setting it down on the side of the bed. He watched Erwin push himself into a seated position with one hand, his expression as carefully passive as Erwin’s was.

“Too long,” Erwin admitted, staring down at the mass of bandages he now had for a shoulder, and the empty space beyond. Levi stood, stepping to the side of the bed, feeling calm for the first time in hours. Erwin was awake, and he was alive. The rest, for the moment, was inconsequential. He reached down, holding Erwin’s face in his hands as he leaned forward and pressed a kiss against his forehead.

“You’ll figure it out,” Levi said, whispering the words against Erwin’s skin. “And if you don’t, we will.”

Erwin reached up and wrapped his arm around Levi’s waist, his hand tight on his hip. Levi realized what he wanted, and let Erwin drag him down onto his lap with a huff. He shifted a little until he was more comfortable, his legs still splayed awkwardly off the side of the bed as he pressed as close to Erwin as he could. Erwin hummed, closing his eyes as Levi ran his fingers across his cheekbones and along his jaw, down his neck and over his chest, re-memorizing every shape of him for the thousandth time. Erwin did the same, reaching his hand beneath the cloth of Levi’s jacket to trace looping patterns across his back as he slowly ran trembling fingers up and down his spine.

Levi leaned in and kissed him, breathing in as Erwin kissed him back, hard and slow. There was so much more he wished he knew how to say, and not enough words in the world to manage half of it. Erwin sighed against his lips, reaching up and cupping his hand around Levi’s jaw as Levi wrapped both arms tightly around him, pouring every ounce of love he felt into the kiss, and decided if he could spend an eternity like that, he would.

Erwin pulled back all too soon, and pressed his forehead against Levi’s. He ran a finger down Levi’s throat and watched him with a serious expression. “Are you sure?” Erwin asked, eyes tight as Levi reached up and set either of his hands against his cheeks again.

“You are enough,” he said, staring back at Erwin just as seriously. “You will always be more than enough for me.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of those scenes I’ve wanted to write for a long time. The post that reminded me of it can be found [here](http://stereobone.tumblr.com/post/98842011231/hello-maybe-story-about-erwin-who-teaches-levi-how). Hopefully I did it justice.
> 
> The text Levi is reading is from _The Origin of Species_. I have a hard time imagining either of them reading fiction, and it was the most fitting non-fiction I had on hand. I like to think Erwin would enjoy collecting contraband books of that sort anyway.


End file.
